Relationship Blog

How Special Was Valentine’s Day For You?

valentines date

How Special Was Valentine’s Day For You? Did your partner surprise you? In a good way?

Like I wrote in my last blog, Do You Feel You Are Missing Out? Valentine’s day is important for some and not for others. Some relish this opportunity to express their love for their partner on this special day. Talking to those who had special moments, how often do you have these special moments during the year?

Valentine’s Day to me is not just giving lavish gifts, or something special once a year, it is certainly not getting caught up in the commercial side of it. In the end it is all about your actions of love that matter most. This is the essence of Valentine’s that we need to be doing more often for our loved ones throughout the year.

The greatest Valentine’s Day gift that has a long lasting effect for the one you love, is the love and connection that you both feel. The connection you have with your partner is one that can always continually grow, deepen and become more open in your relationship.

So how did you make your partner feel special on Valentine’s Day? And how can you have these feelings more often in the year? I suggest mixing it up, at times being random with what and when you do it. Here are a few more ideas to keep you going to bring more special times and connection into your relationship:

  1. Spend an evening without interruptions. Turn off all your gadgets and just catch up with your partner.
  2. Arrange for a surprise babysitter if you have any children. A dinner for two can melt away the worries in life. You and your partner deserve some time off and just chill out.
  3. Put some romantic music on and go slow dancing in the kitchen. You never know where that might lead.
  4. Write your own love letter no matter how it turns out, it will be from you and how you feel about them.. The effort and thoughtfulness you put in will be treasured by the your partner.
  5. Do something fun and different! Something that is not normally expected… like breakfast in bed perhaps?

My friend Narelle, also made an app you can download to give you some prompts and ideas. It is only available on iPhone and iPad at the moment. It is called ‘idearly”. I have a link to it under my Other Free Resources page. The key here is to continue to do something special to keep variety and specialness in your relationship. Even if you have to put a monthly or weekly reminder in your diary.

valentines day blues

On the other side of the coin, if Valentine’s Day did not meet your expectations or needs… How about starting to consider what you can do and perhaps look at how you may be able to take some personal control back over how you feel?

You are maybe in a relationship where you are wanting and waiting for your partner to change. I have worked with many people to help them change and as a result their partner has also changed (for the better). I know the easy path is for your partner to change, however you may be waiting a long time if they have not changed already.

Have you done some research on the internet around happiness? If you do, you will find a common theme that we are responsible for our own happiness. Emotions and feelings are what we feel inside ourselves, others may push our buttons but ultimately our feelings and emotions come from within.

In the previous blog leading up to Valentine’s Day, I mention that it is generally Expectations, that can make us miserable. So what can you do about expectations?

Here are a few ideas you can start doing to shift your expectations:

  1. One simple way to start shifting your mind from expecting grand things for Valentine’s Day or any other special day is to start expecting fewer things from your partner on a day to day basis. So when they do something, it is a surprise.
  2. Reach out to your partner and talk about it. Plan together whatever celebration you might like to share together.
  3. Learn to appreciate what your partner does for you rather than focus on what is missing or you want them to do. And let them know how much you appreciate it.
  4. Go easy on each other and enjoy moments together. The experiences that you had on this special day doesn’t define your relationship as a whole.
  5. Perhaps you can plan out something for your partner instead of just expecting them to do everything. Start doing the things you wish to happen on Valentine’s day or any other special day and see what happens?

What do you think would happen if you start to change so you can have a better relationship rather than waiting? Being caught up in old relationship patterns, habits and allowing the taking for granted to creep in, could be disastrous to your relationship. If this is happening now, it might be cheaper and more beneficial to get some help from an expert in Relationship Coaching or Counselling. In the end what do you have to lose by focusing on yourself and the change you wish to see…

If you have any questions or feedback or just want to have somebody to speak about your relationship, feel free to reach out and have a conversation with me. Also, feel free to pass this on to anyone you know that may benefit from this.

So if you’ve got any questions regarding this blog or any aspect of your relaionship, why not take advantage of the complimentary 30-minute session I offer. Contact Me to see how I can help you have more healthier and happier relationships.  Until next time.

Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Counsellor - Keith Flynn

Keith Flynn BSc, Dip. Hyp.


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