Relationship Blog

Do You Feel You Are Missing Out?

valentines day blues

There are those that embrace Valentine’s day.  And there are those either in a relationship or wanting to be in one, that feel they are missing out on something.

Valentine’s day is fast approaching and we can see a whole lot of mixed sentiments on the internet these days… For some there is excitement, exhilaration and surprises. In the name of love, people become extra sweet on V-day.. sending flowers, booking a dinner date at an expensive restaurant, giving chocolates (which I can’t complain about) and a lot more..

On the contrary, there are some people who are nonchalant about this special day, and some who get downright depressed. Some people may not look forward to it and some may be curious why each year we celebrate a special day of love. Did you ever get curious from where Valentine’s day originated and how it started?  There are a lot of myths as to where and how it did, so let’s take a walk down memory lane to see where Valentine’s Day comes from..

My first thought was ‘This is another American tradition (like Halloween). Growing up on a farm in New Zealand, I am actually struggling to remember if Valentine’s Day was ever celebrated in our house. I digress. So where does it come from?

According to “Most scholars believe that the St. Valentine of the holiday was a priest who attracted the disfavour of Roman emperor Claudius II around 270 AD. At this stage, the factual ends and the mythic begins. According to one legend, Claudius II had prohibited marriage for young men, claiming that bachelors made better soldiers. Valentine continued to secretly perform marriage ceremonies but was eventually apprehended by the Romans and put to death.

It was not until the 14th century that this Christian feast day became definitively associated with love. According to UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, author of Chaucer and the Cult of Saint Valentine, it was Chaucer who first linked St. Valentine’s Day with romance.

In 1381, Chaucer composed a poem in honor of the engagement between England’s Richard II and Anne of Bohemia. As was the poetic tradition, Chaucer associated the occasion with a feast day. In “The Parliament of Fowls,” the royal engagement, the mating season of birds, and St. Valentine’s Day are linked.”

The article also talks about two other St Valentines who were rather astonishingly, were said to have been martyred on Feb. 14. It is also noted that Valentine’s Day has become a booming commercial success. According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are valentines. I have a mate who is a Florist and Valentine’s day is one of his biggest days of the year!!

So, how can a Valentine’s Day make some people miserable?

valentines day blues

In my experience, it generally boils down to one word, Expectations!!.

  • Some clients expect their partners to do something special and for some reason they don’t.
  • Some people may take on the expectation that they should be in a relationship and they are not.
  • They may feel that there is something wrong with themselves, or others.
  • Some people miss their partner, they may have broken up or even passed away.

I heard it once said by a Buddhist Monk, “If you want a happy life, lower your expectations. Then every moment will be a pleasant surprise – a gift”.

If you fall into the category of feeling some form of unhappiness on Valentine’s Day’, here are some suggestions:

  1. Buy yourself some flowers. Besides brightening up your place, you deserve something beautiful on V-day. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you are special.. Why not buy yourself some?
  2. Spend a little extra time in the gym. Hustle hard. Before you know it, your endorphins will be killing the loneliness that lingers from within. Don’t you just feel good after a workout? Yes? Release those happy hormones! (then go and buy some flowers).
  3. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Do you pity yourself on Valentine’s day? Instead of sitting around and feeling bad. Refocus your efforts on random acts of kindness. One could be sending a Valentine’s text to a friend, ( I have done that many times ).
  4. Splurge on yourself. Go ahead, buy yourself something special. Treat yourself with a relaxing body massage- pamper yourself. Don’t you think you deserve a little extra TLC  on this day?  We can chalk this up to self love and appreciation ( until a significant other either comes along or wakes up to how special you are.)
  5. Get together with friends. For sure you are not the only one feeling at loose ends with that special day. Why not invite them over for a party? Enjoy the day and have lots of fun!.  Just make sure it is not a pity party…. And avoid the misery loves company ones…..
Couple celebrating valentines day

You may think that you are all alone in this world, but you have your friends and family who love you just as you are. Although we can’t be loved the way we wanted to be loved all the time, we can always choose to show love for others on a day when so many people feel uncherished. You can always choose to redeem the day and make it a joyful one for you and other people.

And if this is one of those days for you that brings things to a head for you around relationships, where expectations are not met, it is the ‘same old, same old’ and you want a different outcome next year, you may want look at making a decision.  A decision things are going to be different this time next year. You may need to look at some professionals like a marriage counsellor, relationship coach or relationship expert to help change direction. You then have 12 months…..

If you have any questions or feedback or just want to have somebody to speak about your relationship, feel free to reach out and have a conversation with me. Also, feel free to pass this on to anyone you know that may benefit from this.

So if you’ve got any questions regarding this blog or any aspect of your relaionship, why not take advantage of the complimentary 30-minute session I offer. Contact Me to see how I can help you have more healthier and happier relationships.  Until next time.

Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Counsellor - Keith Flynn

Keith Flynn BSc, Dip. Hyp.


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