Have you ever put up a front to your friends and family or to the outside world that your relationship is all good when you know from the depths of your soul that there are problems and conflict? More often than not we tend to have some unexpressed issues or a few painful truths that are swept under the rug just to keep the peace. This creates disharmony, builds resentment and emotional intimacy is likely to be compromised.
Are you actually being honest to yourself when you do this?
In some sessions with clients, they would often admit and tell me that they are guilty about this. In order to get to the gist of the issues you are having with your partner, it is important to actually face the reality and stop denying it. It also is rather damaging to oneself and the relationship if you keep on shutting out the troublesome truths and pretend that everything is okay. The most practical way to put it is this, “If you aren’t happy, stop acting happy.” If you aren’t treated with respect or you have certain needs that are not being met by your partner, you have to voice them out in a clear and concise way. Stand up for yourself and you will be thankful you did.
I also realised from all the relationships that I have been involved in as well as the experiences of my clients that there are some things you wouldn’t actually say if you were truly happy in your relationship, here are 5 of them:
- “Sometimes it is necessary to be practical than to be happy”– When you only think of what’s practical (e.g. financial stability) instead of how your partner makes you feel, then you are not in it for the right reason. It is important to be practical in your relationship but in the sense of making time for your partner, communicating openly to them, and any other gesture that could make the relationship stronger.
- “We’re both preoccupied and stressed out with work”– Every relationship has it’s ups and downs. It’s not always a walk in the park. However, there is a fine line between blaming the struggles for the fact that you have disconnected and facing them together. Both parties ultimately need to work hand in hand to overcome the stress and demands on time from work and everyday life to put time and energy into the relationship..
- “You reach a certain stage in a relationship where you pretty much know everything about a person” – You can always discover something new about your partner every single day that you are together because we change everyday. People are continuously evolving. You should never feel that there is nothing more to learn about your partner as growing together and embracing the changes is part of a healthy relationship. Begin looking for what is different not what is the same. Men, do you notice when your partner has had her hair done?
- “It is normal for excitement to vanish” – When you are in a long term relationship it is normal for the honeymoon phase to slip away. It is pretty much impossible to be in this stage forever. Eventually life will catch up and you will start to settle into a familiar routine. However, that doesn’t mean that excitement has to say goodbye. Keeping the sparks alive and making things exciting for both of you is a sure way of achieving a long and lasting relationship. Make sure you are still ‘dating’, have regular date nights, find new things to do, do some of the things you were doing when you were dating.
- ”We will deal with it eventually”– When things are bothering you and there is tension in your relationship, the most vital part is addressing it right away and not push things aside. Being happy doesn’t actually mean that you are free from conflicts but the mere fact that you and your partner are able to talk things through and discuss about the termites in your relationship.
Our everyday routine can make us lazy. We often don’t realise what’s happening to each other. Days, months, years and even decades could fly by and you wake up one day beside your partner and wonder how you even got there. It is easy for taking each other for granted to creep into your relationship.
Before you get to this point, check in with yourself and see how you are really feeling about your relationship. You can also read my previous blog post: Who Controls Your Feelings, and explore your feelings and emotions further. Talk to someone who isn’t biased so you can totally express what your issues are and that it wouldn’t be too late to change and spice things up. It is important to keep the sparks alive in your relationship. To make sure there is variety and newness in your relationship to keep it growing.
So if you've got any questions regarding this blog or any aspect of your relationship, why not take advantage of the complimentary 30-minute session I offer. Contact Me to see how I can help you have more healthier and happier relationships. Until next time.
Keith Flynn BSc, Dip. Hyp.